January 29, 2025
Understanding The Stages of Separation with Cravens & Noll
In Virginia, a no-fault divorce requires you to be separated from your spouse for at least one year. However, if you have a signed agreement and no minor children together, this period can be reduced to six months.
During this phase, your marriage may feel like it’s in limbo. You might be uncertain about what is or isn’t allowed—both in your interactions with your spouse and in the dating world.
In some Virginia courts, legal separation doesn’t necessarily mean living under separate roofs. If you meet the standards for “in-home” separation, it may be considered valid. This typically requires physical separation—such as living in separate rooms or separate residences—and a clear intent to divorce. Proving separation while living under the same roof can be challenging, especially if you have children.
In practical terms, in-home separation means minimizing interactions that characterize a marital relationship. You and your spouse should no longer cook for each other, do each other’s laundry, or maintain joint bank accounts.
Despite the challenges of this period, there is a silver lining. The transition allows you and your spouse to emotionally process the end of your marriage, helping you navigate the stages of separation with greater clarity.
Like any significant loss, the end of a relationship involves a grieving process. The widely recognized five stages of grief, introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, apply to divorce as well. While everyone moves through these stages differently, most experience them in some form and order.
Denial: Struggling to Accept Finality
In the denial stage, you may find it difficult to accept that your marriage is truly ending. This is a natural response and part of making peace with your inner optimist. However, prolonged denial can be problematic if it leads you to rationalize the issues that led to the divorce in the first place.
Moving past denial means reaching certainty about your decision. You’ll be ready for the next stage once you fully accept that ending the relationship is the best course of action.
Anger: Struggling to Accept Peace
Once denial fades, anger often follows. Accepting that the divorce is happening may lead to frustration—whether at your spouse, yourself, or the circumstances that led you here. While these emotions may seem negative, they are a natural part of the process.
Acknowledging your anger without letting it consume you is key. Suppressing it can make the next stage—bargaining—even more challenging.
Bargaining: Struggling to Accept True Justice
Bargaining often arises as an attempt to find relief from the emotional discomfort of separation. You may entertain thoughts of reconciliation or be tempted to compromise your rights regarding custody, finances, or personal well-being.
It’s important to remember that, in Virginia, the separation period must be marked by an intent to divorce. If you waver in this commitment, it could impact your legal standing or lead to decisions that are not in your best interest. Reaffirming your certainty from the denial stage can help you navigate this phase wisely.
Depression: Struggling with Feeling Trapped
When bargaining fails to bring resolution, feelings of sadness or hopelessness can take hold. Recognizing that there’s no easy way to undo the separation can be disheartening, leading to a sense of entrapment.
While feeling down is normal, prolonged depression can affect your well-being. If it begins to impact your quality of life or leads to thoughts of self-harm, seek professional support. Divorce is challenging, but help is available, and you don’t have to face it alone.
Acceptance: Hope for Your Post-Divorce Future
Few people bypass the earlier stages and jump straight to acceptance. It takes time to fully process the emotional weight of a divorce. However, reaching acceptance is a powerful milestone. It enables you to move forward with clarity, free from resentment, self-doubt, or unnecessary compromises.
From a legal standpoint, approaching divorce proceedings from a place of acceptance positions you for the best possible outcome. Our team of experienced divorce lawyers serving Richmond, Chesterfield, and Harrisonburg, Virginia, is here to support you in securing a fair and favorable post-divorce arrangement.
If you have questions about divorce in Virginia, explore our website or contact us for more information.
Cravens & Noll – Your Lawyers For Life
